More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i will never coherently bang her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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