He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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