You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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