My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I came so hard my ears popped.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
