The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
