I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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