Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
