There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
