I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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