eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
