i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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