i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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