She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
