Me too!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
