hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
