I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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