I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
