dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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