ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
