woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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