theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
