areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
