sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
