DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
