Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
