I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize