I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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