I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
