the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
