Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
