just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize