As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
