I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
