how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
