I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
