Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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