Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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