Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
