pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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