I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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