Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
