just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize