so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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