we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
