Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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