I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize