Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
