i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
