the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
