two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize