What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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