Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
