oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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