For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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