its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
