Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
