Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
