we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize