I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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